Future...

Its a big thinky word isn't it, future.

I know it's not the case for everybody but for a select few, a future seems incomprehensible.

How can you plan for a future you can't see? How can you even think about the future when everyday is just about surviving the day, or hour, or even minute.

How can you plan for a future when you have a deep seeded belief that at some point, probably in the not too distant future, a future beyond that will cease to exist.

For whatever reason, there are people among us that exsist in these spaces, this is the reality of thier lives, all future prospects written off. By them, by others.

There are people who walk among us, who live thier lives wishing their lives away and if you read that and your response is to question its existence or judge them as ungrateful, i'm glad for you, I'm glad that you can't relate or connect to what that might feel like, that the prospect of people existing that do not want to exist is so utterly astonishing and incomprehensible to you that it can't be true, because its so far away from your reality, you're lucky and probably a little bit ignorant but good for you. 

Why am I talking about this? Who am I to speak on such things?

I was one of these people, I am no longer. 

Any previous versions of myself would have laughed if someone would have told them that life could look like it does now, my fall back was always, "yeah for someone else maybe, that's not my life, you dont understand, things like that don't happen for people like me."

There was a time in my life when the best I could hope for was to want to survive a day. Notice how I said want to. 

How can you plan for a future when thats the best you can hope for and even that feels impossible?

It's not impossible, I am living proof of that fact and the more I believe that and live that, the more I want to scream it at people. No matter how powerless and defeated you might be, even if youve felt that way for years or forever even, you have power within you to do anything and everything you want, no matter how farfetched it may seem. 

The secret is, there is no secret, just a choice, do one tiny little thing each day, then do two and before you know it you'll be doing things you never deemed possible and maybe, eventually, wanting to.

I promise, its worth it.

Forever determined

Zoe Siobhan.